Please do not read this post. I'm begging you. It was not my fault. I promise.

Good afternoon ladies and gents,I would like to say that this post was not on my own account. I was physically forced into writing this post. And not by any of the other authors. No, they are far to lovely and kind to do this. I was forced by my father, The Russian Noodle Man. He looks peculiarly like Evgeni Plushenko so I shall be using his pictures. Because I'm kind of creepy like that. But TRNM is kind of creepy too. But without any further ado... 

Vhy hello zhere, pretty ladiez =:}

(um. Shank, we don't really use emoticons on here. definitely not like that. and you don't have to type like that. see the cool thing about computers is that you don't have to have an accent of any kind and people always can understand you.)

(who's post iz zis?!)

(mine, remember? you made me write a post. you just wanted to say hi to everyone.)

(yez, vell, now zat I started, I have to finish. and I vant everyvone to vead dis post in my beautiful Russian accent. Zank you ever so much for pointing out vat you zink my flaws are.)

Okay then, anyway. I know, I'm probably going to get punished for posting on the wrong day but I really don't want to be on the wrong side of a guy who's name is 'Shank'. If you get what I'm saying. I don't really have anything to post about but-

(Oh I know. Post about me. Duh.)

(No. Shank. You can back off some. This is my post and you've had your input. Let me do it or we'll be on here forever.)

But as I was saying, I don't really have anything to post about but I thought I'd start a post and then publish it and possibly delete it after Shank's left to go bother Chimmy. 

(You know I'm still here right?)

(Yes. You're only hanging right. over. my. shoulder.)

(your vather small shoulder, I should add.)

(Yes well, all of me is small. It's the Asian descent. But we're not talking about my shoulder or how I'm related to you or how I came to be. [because I'm not even sure myself, and I don't want to know.])

(Yez, zat is a conversation you need to have vith your mother.)

(What? No I know... ugh never mind. I'm not talking/typing to you anymore. Go find Chimmy.)

(But I'm vith Chimmy alllll zhe time. Bugging you iz vay more fun.) 

(Shank. You sound like a whiny child.)

That's the look he just gave me. No joke. It's his way of telling me that he really is a whiny child. 

Hehehe. 

(That is so unbelievably creepy. But you know what? Fine. If you want this post to be all about you, we'll do that then.)

I knew you'd come around. Okay zo since it'z my turn, I get to add vhatever I vant vight now and you can't backspace. 

Okay fine. 

Ahem *clears throat* 

Do you vant to buy zome noodlez? 
Or get inzide ov my vhite van?
I zink zome bonding time iz overdue, 
I made a mannequin of you
out of rice

and he look guuuud. 

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Out of all the things you could have said, it was that? 

Vell, technically, I zang it. 

I hate you. 

Zhat iz no vay to speak to zhe man who brought you into zhis life. 

*kills self and then buries self in huge whole and cries for all eternity*

Technically, thoze actionz can not be done in zhat order. 

... 

Zo, az zoon az I figure out how to upload picturez... 

Let me do it. Just give me the mouse

I did not azk for zhat picture. you specifically clicked on zhe wrong picture. 

really? I think that one showcases your beauty to it's fullest. 

Okay missy. I'm done vith you and your sass. I'm leaving now before you put up any more awful picturez and I now give you permission to delete thiz pozt before the whole internet can zee it. 

See you Shankshank. And nope. This is staying. Just so you know. Thank goodness he's gone. I'm really sorry you had to witness that. Well, to Laura, Rose and Mercy, I'm not. You girls need to know the horrors you bestowed on me. Because now that I think about it, somehow, out of the depths of all of your cruel and twisted minds, I was born from a mysterious Asian woman and TRNM and I want to know how. 

But seriously, I hope this post freaked you out. And I hope that you never ask to switch things up again because it's making me feel weird and produces posts like this. Can't wait for some normality with Mercy's post tomorrow <3 Grace/Asian Burrito/Chimmy Chang's sister/TRNM daughter...?

PS- this is what happens when you Google search 'Russian noodle man' 

i hope you're happy