5/365.

Good windy evening, ladies.

    It's supposed to snow tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited.
    I enjoyed all of your posts from last week, as we transitioned into this New Year with boldness and grace (or, for me at least, a defeated nap and a cat spooning on my chest). Mercy, I liked your post- the ukulele song made me smile, since I am a burgeoning prodigy on said instrument ;). It was a bit short, but that was okay because we got to see your lovely faces on Tuesday anyway. Rosie and Grace, your posts made me a bit nostalgic, yet also happy in the anticipation of what's to come in 2015.
    It's five days into the new year already. And I'm not going to lie- it doesn't feel like anything has changed, for the better at least. I've become more moody and cynical about love, I've been sleeping too much and drinking lots of tea and coffee and writing my feelings down in the TFiOS journal John got me for Christmas. Depression is settling in like the bitter cold of the January air, seeping into my bones, making me fret and cry because I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
    This winter, things will be different. I go back to school the day after tomorrow, and hopefully I'll get so caught up in studying that I'll forget I was ever even sad. I still have this blog to write on, I have new friends at school and a new haircut and things to look forward to.
    And yet.
    I'm such a party pooper*. I'm always the one who takes the fun out of everything for myself. I am my biggest bully; I say "I can never be happy, I don't deserve it" and curl up in a ball on the couch, sleeping away my self-doubt and disappointment.
    I don't know, gurls. I just have this lurking suspicion that it's not all going to work out, that I'll get hurt somehow and never, ever recover. I am terrified of so many things- losing my faith, falling too deeply in love with someone I'm not supposed to spend forever with, screwing it up big time in nursing school, gaining a little weight. I know that the only way for me to not fear so much is to have the same attitude as Christ (Philippians 2) but good God, that is so much easier said than done.
    I think I've reached the point in my faith where I actually want to be like Jesus. To live a life of purity, hang out with the outcasts, turn water into wine and weeping into laughter, all because of the incomprehensible love that set me free that I just can't seem to wrap my head around.
    I have reached the end of me. It's time I got my head out of the clouds and just went for it, pursued the life God intended for me with the courage He is calling me to. Doing so is the only way I may someday beat this ever-present darkness.
    This post was very personal and grim. And I apologize. But I can't think of anything else with this elephant overcrowding the room that is my mind.
    ...Whatever. Mercy, I'll see you tomorrow.
--Laura

The first post of 2015

Ayyyy Happy New Year!! I haven't been able to wrap my head around the fact that the date now ends in a bold '2015' rather than the '14' I've grown so accustomed to. It seems like 2015 is too large of a number to be possible. Remember when 2012 was a really big deal? It's now a distant memory which I don't remember very much of. And the thing is, 2014 will fade into scrambled and blurred memories as well and then 2015 will follow. Time is weird like that. 

2014 was a really terrible year. But it was also really fantastic. We've all grown and changed so much and so many new adventures were shared. Some were without all of our foursome members, while others happened in new and interesting places with new and interesting people (Hartford ftw) and we all had a share of our own personal adventures. I would consider 2014 to be the hardest year of my life so far and yet I was able, by God's great power, to get through it and still experience some amazing times with amazing people. I really couldn't have asked for anything better. 

Gurls, I'm more than excited for whatever is going to happen this year and I'm excited to share it with all of you. And the funny thing is that it makes me so excited to not know anything about this year. The fact that basically anything can happen in the next 12 months terrifies me and yet fills me with so much uncontrolled anticipation. Just like stop and think about that. Anything could happen. Like Rose's list from last year. We could all have boyfriends, or join a convent and decide to single forever. Mercy could drop out of GAHA or I could start attending a school of some sort this coming September. One of us could have a breakthrough in math or science, and end up being a millionaire. One of us could get married or someone could move to the other side of the world. Who knows? No one except God which is freaking amazing. Not even the Farmers Almanac.  

So on a different note. All of your posts were awesome but what was even more awesome is that we've been able to see each other twice in the last week. You Backus gurls gave Mercy and I fantastic Christmas presents while we only gave you one poster that wouldn't even stay stuck to your wall. Thank you for still being our friends. We need more people like you gurls in the world. 

Mercy. Here's a giraffe for you. 

Hope all of your January 1st's have been fabulous. 

<3 G

2014 retrospective.

It's hump day!

So last night after you guys left I was reading Blood of Olympus (put that in The Game), and I read this part about Piper, Annabeth, and Hazels epic abilities. First I was really proud of Rick Riordan for writing 3 strong female characters. I wouldn't consider myself a feminist but every time a female does something awesome I get really excited. Maybe I was a woman's rights leader in a past life. Or maybe I really am a feminist and I just don't know it. There's a lot of things I don't know about myself. For example, John told me a couple weeks ago that I'm a man. I always thought I was a woman, but I guess I'm wrong. Anyway, while I was thinking about Rick Riordan's strong females, I glanced at the Supernatural poster that you gurls gave me, and ever since then I can't help thinking of Piper, Annabeth, and Hazel, as Sam, Dean, and Cas.

I'm going to reply to your posts now.

Grace: You haven't posted in 2 weeks. But your post from 2 weeks ago was great. Also, I just wanted to tell you that you're like Idaho.

Laura: Your post was pretty beautiful. Like your face.

THIS GIF NEVER ENDS.

Mercy: I agree with you that New Years is kind of a stupid holiday. But it is also kind of not a stupid holiday. WHICH IS A PERFECT SEGUE INTO WHAT I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT, SO YOU GET A STAR!

So tomorrow is next year, right? It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was writing the first post of the new year, and now I'm writing the last. It's kind of funny how that worked. Well, it's not really funny, it's math, but whatever. Well, in the first post I wrote this year, I wrote 3 lists, which I'm sure you remember, because it was such a memorable post. (I'm kidding. I didn't even remember that I did that.) So I thought it would be kinda cool if I took those three lists, and rewrote them, in retrospect. The stuff that isn't in parentheses is the old list, and the stuff in parentheses is the new list.

Terrible things that can happen (but actually didn't).

1. The apocalypses. (That didn't happen).
2.  The plague. (Unless you count Ebola plague, it also didn't happen.)
3. Mercy could stop being a fangirl. (No).
4. Laura could start being stupid. (Well...)
5. Grace could become goth. (No).
6. More of my favorite bands could go on hiatus's. (No).
7. Canada. (No).
8. Turtle out break. (Thank God, no).
9. My life could become Little House on the Prairie. (No).

Terrible things that will happen (and did)

1. Laura will graduate and leave me to die. (Well, I'm not dead, but Laura did leave).
2. School will start again. (Unfortunately, school did start again. But, honestly, I like school so much more that I used to).
3. Turtles will continue to live. (Ew, yes).
4. Highschool students will still be stupid. (Yes. But I'd like to think I'm more tolerant of highschoolers than I used to be).
5. Jensen Ackles won't be married to me. (Yes).
6. I'll have to suffer through an entire season of Martha on Doctor Who. (Honestly, Martha wasn't that bad. She's certainly not as bad as Clara).

Fantastic things to look forward to this year (and did...kind of)

1. I'll get my own room....kinda. (Very kinda).
2. Mary-Kate will be home all the time! (Some of the time...)
3. Grace will get her apparition licence and come see me!!! (She got her permit...)
4. I HAVE A SUPERNATURAL CALENDER AND THEREFORE GET TO STARE AT SAM AND DEANS FACES FOR 13 MONTHS! (12 months actually...there are only 12 months in a year...that was a failure little Rose).
5. I only have 3 and a half years left of highschool! (Now I only have 2 and a half years left!)
6. The first annual foursomeaversary is coming up! (HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS WHEN SHANKO WAS BORN!)
7. We will write another round story. (We did. And it was beautiful).

I agree with Mercy (big surprise there) that New Years is kind of a stupid holiday. But, it's also a great time to look back at the behind you and realize what God has done for you. And to look at the year ahead of you and hope for the things He will do. Now parties, the ball dropping, resolutions and stupid jokes are stupid, but the actual reason we celebrate New Years are not. It all depends on your perspective. I'm excited for next year. Laura's going to get her licence. Grace is going to graduate high school. Mercy and I are turning 16. So gurls, lets raise our glasses (of nonachohlic beverages, because we're good Christian girls), to what God has in store for us in 2015, praising Him for what He did for us in 2014.

Well, I should probably go eat dinner. I think I'll schedule this post to post at 11:59 though, because Grace and I talked about doing that. Alright gurls, I hope 2015 will treat you well.

Gurl please. -Rosie.

i hate new years

good morning gurls, it's Tuesday.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be posting today but imma do it anyway.

SOOOO i'm really upset that Christmas is like, at an end.

I mean, i got amazing gifts no doubt, and saw alllll my family and we threw an awesome surprise party for my amazing mother, but i'm still upset it's all over. Christmas is my most favorite time of the year ever and i'm sad we have to wait a whole year for it to come again.

not to mention, i hate new years celebrations. they're pointless and stupid. there's a new year EVERY YEAR no need to celebrate the same stupid thing over and over again. everyone does the same thing every year- go to some stupid party, get drunk, scream and holler unnessicarily loudly when the ball drops, the make a bunch of STUPID AND OVERUSED new years jokes that AREN'T even funny, and then leave and go home and sleep. augh.
its all stupid to me.

okay well this has been a good rant.

now listen to Andrea Bocelli's version of my favorite song ever in the world.

now listen to this cover of the same song, but it's the best version because it's beautiful and wonderful and lovely. And she sings in english and french and it think it's just so beautiful, whether she can speak french or not.

Louis Armstrong's version is amazing as well. I'm just obsessed with this song.


okay well i gotta go. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GURLS LATER TODAY! okay bye.

rosie, I'll hear from you tomorrow i guess????

*go away mercy!*

okay byeeeeeeeeeee.....

xoxo,
Mercy

Undaunted Radiance.

Happy Monday, boys and gurls!

Today actually is a happy Monday. Everyone's on Christmas break, home and happy and safe and sound. The sun came out this morning, and Rosie and I were able to attempt to take the Young's dog, Loki, for a walk without freezing our hands off from the expected December chill (except we thought Loki got abducted so we went to Dunkin instead). I saw Becca Monster for the first time since I left SHU after the bedlam that was finals week, and we caught up and laughed as though it hadn't been almost three weeks since we went from seeing each other all day, every day, to conversing solely through text messages. I found out that a good friend of mine will not have to transfer from Sacred Heart next semester, and I'm having a great hair day, and I'm on my third mug of coffee (in my new Jane Austen mug, since I'm the idiot who dropped her old one on her dorm's tile floor).
    We just saw you Ege gurls, less than forty-eight hours ago, and in less than twenty hours we shall see you again, and that fills my little soul with sunshine in the most wonderful, God-given way. Bob Goff, author of the lighthearted Love Does and amazing advocate for the needs of the less fortunate, once said, "God gives us friends to love so we'd remember how He feels about us." And as this crazy, altering, emotionally exhausting year draws to its close, I realize how true that has been to me, especially over these past 365 or so days.
    A lot of changes occurred for me in 2014. I graduated high school and moved on to the college of my dreams and began to finally pursue the nursing career I have been dreaming about for almost my entire life. I strengthened so many relationships just by saying goodbye and moving on into this current season of my life. I made new friends, a few of whom I can see myself being close with for the rest of our lives. I made friends with boys- I was never good at being friends with boys in high school, because I was so awkward and terrified, and the few guys I ever became close to wanted to date me, and I said no every time because that was just not where God wanted me. But now, I have all these funny, burly, laid-back friends, who are a) male and b) don't want to kiss me (well, not all of them don't want to kiss me...but that's a story for a future time when I know how I feel).
    Friendship is a gift from God. He totally knows what He's doing by putting certain people in your life at the right time, even when you have no idea what the heck He's doing. Like when I met Libby's roommate and she ended up becoming one of the best friends I've ever had, or when a boy rejected me and it made me face some demons I didn't even know existed, or when the senior I irritated when we first interacted ended up becoming someone really important to me. At first, I couldn't see why God gave me these people, but now I am starting to see why, and for that I am eternally grateful.
    2015 has so much potential. I used to struggle with not knowing what tomorrow holds, but now I am learning to accept, even anticipate, whatever surprises God has in store for the not-so-distant future. I am willing to face the unexpected with the undaunted radiance of Christ, hoping to become more like Him and honor Him in my decisions, thoughts and actions.
    I can't wait to see where 2015 takes the Foursome. I can only hope we all become braver and wiser and develop our hilarious senses of humor. Let's take on the New Year like the butt-kicking fothermuckers we are, ladies.

All my love,
Laura Grace <33

I just like to talk about Christmas

Hello! It's Thursday and I'm off work until next week and cookies have been baking. The Piano Guys version of Angel's We Have Heard on High is playing loudly, the prospects of shopping and Christmas parties fill this weekend and I have no reason to be anything but happy and content.

I enjoyed all of your posts from this past week. I definitely missed the regular posts in November so it's been super nice to read all your girls posts. 

Laura, it seems like your first semester was successful and despite some of the bad things that happened, it was a satisfactory couple months. 

Mercy, I've never had that feeling with a celebrity. Sorry. But I did enjoy your post. Most of the time I have that feeling of just needing to get my thoughts out of my head because they've been circling for so long that it's starting to hurt. I don't know if that's quite what you were thinking but whatever.

Rose, I'm so very glad you did conform and wrote a Christmas post because it was quite lovely and gave me that Christmas-y feeling:)

Christmas always makes me nostalgic for past years and so over the past month, I've been thinking back over Christmas and though it gives me that slightly sad/depressed feeling I get every time I start remembering, it's also terrific to remember past years and what happened. Last years youth group party was different and fun and sort of weird and some of my friends and I actually started fighting afterwards because of something that happened and it totally ended up being fine but it makes me want this weekend's party to be fantastic. I ordered a little black dress online and it fits me so well and we're going to find Mercy's dress tomorrow. And I need to buy new razors to shave my woolly mammoth legs. And maybe that was too much information but I don't care. Because these are the things that excite me. 

And yesterday we went to the Blough's house to make gingerbread houses and eat pizza and it was the essence of Christmas traditions. Our house somehow ended up being invaded by zombie snowmen, with a river of blood encircling the house that was actually live and ate things. Not sure how that happened, but why would you expect anything less from my siblings?  

But seriously, how can someone not enjoy Christmas? The decorations are beautiful (except maybe the saucy snowman down the street. "Draw me like one of your French girls, Santa") and the excitement is intoxicating. Calls of "Merry Christmas" from strangers at work always bring a smile to my face and you can't help but dance to the music. 

If you haven't found out yet, I could talk about this holiday for days on end. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.  

But even though I am capable of talking forever, I need to go put another sweater on, make myself some hot chocolate and spend some time with two of my favorite college freshmen who are home on break. 

We should Facetime this weekend please. 

<3 G

Rose conforms and write's a Christmas favorite's list.

It's hump day!

Well gurls, I'm going to reply to your posts before I do anything else. Okay?

Grace: Your post was wonderful. It made me want to watch some Christmas movies, in a ugly Christmas sweater, while stringing cranberries and popcorn, and singing the 12 Days of Christmas.

Laura: Your post was beautiful. It made me happy I'm not in college, because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

Mercy: Your post was incredibly relatable. Life is confusing. But you know what isn't confusing? Peanut butter. Peanut butter is just delicious. I need some right now actually. Excuse me.

I'm back. So I have a philosophical question: is peanut butter a liquid or a solid? And for that matter, what about butter? Or pudding? Okay I'm googling it. It's both apparently...moving on.

I'm trying to watch Supernatural and write this and I'm getting so distracted.

Anyway I feel as though I should be like everyone else and write a list of things I love about Christmas.

• Going to the Christmas tree farm in Hamden, nearly freezing to death on that incredibly windy hill and because Tom Backus will not, will not have a fake Christmas tree. It's sacrilegious.
• Christmas movies, especially Muppets Christmas Carol. Gonzo and Rizzo are so much like Laura and I, it's scary.
• The food, but mostly Yorkshire pudding. Oh my God, I'm nearly crying just thinking about it.
• Buying gifts.
• The candlelit service at church on Christmas eve. I mean, singing Joy to the World, while holding a candle and imagining accidentally lighting the entire church on fire? What could be more festive than that?
• Christmas music. 
• Laura coming home, even if it means my room is a disaster.
• Christmas break.
• The epic Christmas reading list I have been working my way through.

And last but definitely not least,

• Celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Because that's what this is all about. A little boy, born in a manger, on a quiet night in Bethlehem. A boy that one day became the man that died, so that we could live. AND GURLS, I HAVE A SONG FOR THIS!

Alright, I should bounce.

Can I just note that I posted this like minutes after midnight, because I had nothing else better to do? Do I get the over-achiever of the month award?

Alright Grace, I look forward to your Thorsday post! Until then. Gurl please. -Rose