I couldn't chose which one I wanted, so y'all get both.
I'm gonna reply to your posts now..
Grace- I don't wanna talk about your post. Its too perfect but way too sad auuuugh
Rose- your post was so gify I almost didn't know what to do with it. But it was beautiful, nonetheless.
Laura- so you're back with JJ then????
-Segway-
Soooo recently I've been thinking about being 16, and Grace and Laura I'm sure will laugh at this, but it's just so weird...
When I was younger, I thought that by the time I was sixteen, I'd have a job (ok), and I'd have a boyfriend or having boys ask me out, or at least actually be talking to boys... I thought I'd be driving, I thought I'd be able to do whatever I want, whenever I wanted... But it really isn't like that.
I never thought that I'd be going to a high school of the arts, that I'd not really care about boys or their opinions of me very much at all, that I'd gotten over being constantly sad and lonely, or that I'd have scars that still hurt to think about.
I thought I'd be wearing tons of cute clothes every day, instead of bumming around in pjs half the time, and dresscode the other half.
I didn't think I'd have a dog I'm madly obsessed with, but also hate. I thought I might still have my childhood cats, or a few of them.
You don't realize how quickly things change until you think about how your self from just a few years ago, thought of yourself now and see how much different things are.
When I first started acting, and got that thrill from being on a stage, when I began my journey as a little thespian, I thought that was it. I thought I was FOR SURE becoming an actress, that it was my life calling, and I was finally done with changing "what I wanted to be when I grew up" every few months.
And now that I've spent two years at Ghaa, I've realize how much I love acting, but also how much I miss other things. I miss writing, I miss music, I miss animals. I LOVE animals. I want to help all the animals in the world find better homes, and be taken care of. I don't know how I'm going to do that, realalistically, and I'm so scared that two years into college, I'm going to decide that I don't want to work with animals.
It scares me, and I don't even know anymore. And people say not knowing is a good things, but I don't know what they're talking about because it just scares the crap out of me.
And I know I basically just talked about this last week, but it's still the main thing in the front of my mind. I feel like, by saying I don't want to go into acting, that I'm betraying a part of myself. A part of myself that's been a HUGE part of my life!! And I don't want to give up acting entirely, I just want to be able to help animals more.
It just makes me sad and confused and I hate this feeling.
Augh this was so long and whiny and IM SORRY I'm just gonna go now
Okay, Rosie, I'll hear from you tomorrow...?
xoxo,
Mercy
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