The Sexy Pirate's Middle Name is Walfred?

(I am so excited because the next time I post will be the day before I go home for thanksgiving break. And I need a break. I need mom's homemade dinners and strong, black coffee and the strangely comforting howl of the autumn winds shuddering around our old house at night. I can't believe I have seven semesters and one month of college left, it feels like I've been here for years. And although I've been having the time of my life here at SHU, I crave winter break and the solace and leisure that will come with it. 
    But anyhow. Back to the greatest round story ever written by all of mankind):

the sexiest grump on planet earth

    Samuel Manchester was not amused. He stood over the fire in the kitchen of the Snarfing Charlie, flipping pancakes and wishing he were back in the brig where people didn't bother him- or worse, try to talk to him. Ew. People. Samuel hated people, which was why he had spent his life trying to vanquish them. "And now," he muttered darkly to himself as he greased the pancake skillet, "I have the opportunity to take over this godforsaken poop-vessel. Just as soon as I seduce that land-rat, Miranda, and convince her to let me take control, everything should go as planned." He chuckled darkly to himself as he poured the pale pancake batter onto the skillet in perfect circles.
    "And just who do you think you are?" the voice of Jesse (alias Byron) caused Samuel to jump, making the shackle that bound him to a nearby column clank unbearably.
    Samuel decided to be a sarcastic sardine of bitterness and sass. "I am Samuel Dauntless Ignatius McAfee Walfred Manchester the third," he declared, "sailor of the high seas, defeater of countless kingdoms, seducer of women. And," he waved his spatula in the air, "cooker of fantastic pancakes."
    Jesse (Byron) waved the sexy pirate off. "I know who you are," he said harshly, "I just want to know why you think you're going to get away with any of this."
    "Any of...what?" (like any classic villain, Samuel was completely unaware of his tendency to talk out loud about his evil plans).
    Jesse (Byron) rolled his lovely blue eyes. "I overheard your entire rant, you large bumbling idiot! How dare you think you can seduce my Miranda!"
   "Oho!" the dashing pirate cried, "your Miranda? You think you claim ownership over that impish little piece of scum?"
    "Excuse me," Jesse (Byron) cried, "But she is a lady. and she doesn't need a lousy piece of scum like you to defile her!"
    "Oh! So would you fight for your woman's honor, then?"
    "Indeed I would!" Jesse (Byron) unsheathed the sword in his belt.
    "Now, it wouldn't be fair to fight me while I'm in chains..." said Samuel cunningly, moving his shackled leg so the chain jangled.
    "Right!" Jesse (Byron) cried heatedly, and without thinking he used his blade to cut Samuel free in one fell swoop.
    "AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!" Samuel Manchester thrust the burning hot pancake skillet into Jesse's (Byron's) chest and knocked the smaller man to the floor. Still cackling horribly, he took the blade from Jesse's (Byron's) unconscious hand and flew up the stairs in a mad fury, hoping to raise hell and wreak havoc on the unsuspecting ship and its passengers.

*anxiety intensifies*

That's all the Laura has for today! Mercy, I can't wait to hear from you tomorrow :)
--Laura :)