This is not a depressed post

Dear lovely people, 

Laura, I thoroughly enjoyed your post on Monday. It was great. :)

Mercy and Rose, gosh I could rant about high-schoolers forever. I sometimes wonder why I'm friends with the people I'm friends with. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends but sometimes they stress me out so much with their drama. And I know I need to listen to it and help them as best I can but sometimes I can't. actually last week I was so stressed out with life that I stopped talking to one of my friends and instead of the drama going away like I hoped it would, it just built up around me and became worse. After apologizing for being a jerk and talking to him again I found the drama ceased some. So don't ignore your friends. even if their problems seem silly, insignificant, or down right stupid to you. But I do enjoy how we can have a pretty normal, not dramatic (kinda) friendship. 

So this I actually wrote.... yesterday? Tuesday? 

 

(ALERT ALERT WEE OO WEEOOO! This blog post consists of free thought writing and open honesty. It's rambely and might not make sense.)

I live with people. And people live with me.

and I don't know why this suddenly occurred to me. well I do. I'm writing a short story for school and I used that line and then I stopped to think about it for a minute and of course because I over think to much and over analyze everything I couldn't just let it go and keep going with school I had to start writing down what I was thinking. So here it goes

I live with people. People live with me.

yeah I've always know that I share a house, an address, with others but I'd never really thought about how people actually live with me. They live there lives, incorporating me into it. And they seem to like me. I mean, Laura and Rose, you two lived with me for two weeks last year and seemed to like me so much that we're going back in February. And it seems odd that someone would like me enough to live with me. I'm quiet, moody, upset, flawed, ugly, stupid, confused, unsure, sinful person. All the way around. Now maybe I present someone who looks put together, happy, confident, funny and (I might even add) pretty. But when I look at myself I see everything I listed first. I see the insides. All the thoughts that scramble through my mind on a regular basis. All the thoughts I think when I look in the mirror. All the times I’ve messed up. Said something stupid. Hurt someone. Hurt myself. And most of the time I hate myself. Sometimes I actually think I’m pretty cool. Right now I think I’m pretty cool because I’m being myself. I'm presenting a honest, open and pained person. On the internet. For anyone to read. For my mom to read. For that cute guy to read. For strangers to read. For my best friends to read. And that’s scary. But that’s okay. I want you guys to read this. I want you to know that I'm just as messed up and confused as the other three-fourths of the foursome. And I want myself to come to the realization that even if I'm screwed up and terrified that’s okay.

Because people still like me.

people live with me.

they don't just put up with me, maybe sometimes they do, but for the most part they actually seem okay with living me me. and that makes me happy. Because it makes me realize that I’m not alone. And it makes me happy to know that others aren't alone. Cause I get to live with them and all their imperfections. I like seeing others imperfections because it makes me know that I’m not alone. I like seeing others feel the same way I feel. Unsure, confused, scared of the world. Which is why I like this blog so much. I wouldn't put a post like this on my blog just to blab to the internet and everyone on it, but I will put it up here because I know who I’m specifically talking to and I know you girls can relate. I know that you feel the same way and that you'll shower me with GIF's of Christopher Eccelston. No I’m not feeling depressed. I’m actually feeling content and happy. Happy to know that people live with me. and like it. And the best part of this is that they're exactly like me. And I don't have to be scared of presenting the real me to them.

Now I was trying to find something awesome to put at the end of this post just because I wrote this yesterday it feels like I didn't post today. Even though I am posting... I just didn't write it right now. so it feels weird. ANYWAY. I was trying to find something awesome so where did I look? The Vlogbrothers on Youtube. because they try and not forget to be awesome.. but instead I found The Lizzie Bennet Diaries and I shall now spend the remaining time till we leave to go out for dinner, watching these vlogs. I hope you all have a fantastic Thursday night, a fantastic weekend, and Laura, we shall see you on Monday. <3 Grace