"Are These Allergies or Am I Crying?" A novel by Laura

Hello friends. Hello March. Hello spring(ish)time.

    Today is Saturday, March 5th. I leave for Roanoke Valley, Virginia, with Habitat for Humanity at 5:30 tomorrow morning. How crazy is that?

The Blue Ridge Mountains

    I'm literally going to be HERE.

    This is over 500 miles away- the farthest I'll ever have been from home. I've never seen real mountains before, as I keep on saying...

Current mood: pre-birthday party disappearance Bilbo

    I am so excited and ready and definitely getting no sleep tonight. This is an incredible opportunity to make the world a better place in a beautiful part of the country, and I could not be happier to be part of such a fun and proactive organization.

    I am also aware that my departure will occur in the wee hours of Rose's seventeenth birthday. But I am being an awesome sister by doing two of Rose's favorite things:

1) leaving her alone (for a WEEK, no less)

2) ordering her macaroni and cheese from Mac n Out

I'm the best sister.

***

    Going along with what Grace mentioned in the end of last week's post- The Foursome seems to have been in a funk. Stuck in a really sad version of the Supernatural episode "The Mystery Spot," where instead of waking up to Asia's Heat of The Moment 400+ times and going through the same day over and over again, our alarms are set to Boston by Augustana and we're reliving the same sadness all the time. To quote Rose's favorite pastor, it's like we're all making "Buttprints in the sand."

    Maybe it's the New England winter blues- did you know this is the only real area of the world where seasonal depression actually occurs? Maybe now that it's March we will all start to come alive again. I know that the tantalizing smell of the springtime breeze always makes me feel well, as it blows through the wind chimes on the patio and the familiar warmth of the sun hits my face and makes the pond sparkle.

    Or maybe we're all at that point in our lives where we wonder if we matter. If what we are doing makes a difference. If we're ever going to experience the world, have adventures, love fully, and make an impact.

    I believe that we matter, simply because we exist. God puts everyone on earth for a reason, we just don't always see what that reason is. 

    It can be challenging to remember that I am a difference-maker. A beloved child of my Creator who has destined me for something wonderful. An ethereal soul whose relationship with the One who breathed her into being makes her untouchable by the thorny trials of the mortal world.

    Hold onto the truth that who you are and what you are doing is not a waste of time.

***

    If I had a dime for every time I have wanted to drop out of school these past few weeks, I would be rich enough to pay off my loans, leave college and open an orphanage in the Middle East. I've had disappointing test grades, moments where I've forgotten how to breathe, and terse conversations with my boyfriend. I've also had professors who have sat and cried right alongside me when I've burst into tears in their office because I am the only person telling myself that I won't be a good nurse. I've had a mother who has tirelessly picked me up and dropped me off at school, day in and day out, and always reminded me to eat, breathe, and take a break when needed. I've had an endlessly patient, Godly man who has loved and supported me unconditionally, even when I've been myopic and dramatic and sad.

    Things are getting better. My grades will and are already pulling through. My anxiety will not get the better of me. I have friends who remind me to enjoy a good meal and watch the sunset and to not be afraid of admitting that I'm not perfect.

***

    I've developed this tendency to cry for other people, which is weird. I think it's because I have always had this habit of feeling sad or happy or embarrassed on other people's behalf, and now I've gotten so good at having too many feelings that I just cry for the sake of my fellow humans, because I think that the more tears I shed, the less other people will.

    Basically, I'm insane.

    Plus it's the start of allergy season, so my eyes are already watery 24/7.

    So, I look like I'm a mess all the time, but it's okay. It's just pollen and humanity. No big deal.

    I'll be okay, and so will you.

    I have to end this post and go to a potluck with my Virginia teammates (!!!!!). Mercy, we'll hear from you next week!

--Laura :)