Lamentations and parking.

Hello there, people of earth.

How I feel walking through the hallways of SHU in between classes.

    It's a rainy Wednesday. I would give anything to be sleeping right now, but instead I'm sitting on Eugene's bed (which smells like boy, EW) and eating some almonds (because I don't have time to eat red meat anymore and if you eat enough roasted almonds I swear to Jesus they taste like grilled chicken- with all the protein of steak too!). All I want to do is go home and take a hot shower and maybe cry a little and watch some Grey's. But I have a Habitat for Humanity meeting in an hour and a half so here I am, hanging out in the boy's dorm, avoiding NERF gun darts and watching Gene play silent video games.
    This is adulthood, friends, I swear.

    The thing is, I'm at that awkward part of life where I'm a legal adult but with only half of the responsibilities. I'm a full-time college student who lives with her parents, who co-sign her loans. I drive to school almost every day, but I possess neither a driver's license nor a car (props to Mama Backus for being my always patient co-pilot- side note: today I successfully backed into a parking space without killing any humans. Ten points to Ravenclaw on my behalf). I have a couple of babysitting jobs which pay for food when I'm on campus all day, but my parents don't charge me rent and I don't even pay my cell phone bill
    The moral of this somewhat boring, myopic tangent, is that twenty is weird. I crave so much independence and feel like I'm entitled to it because so many people my age are out on their own and fully responsible for their lives. I'm still in that awkward transitional phase, and half of me is so antsy and ready to move forward towards another season while the rest of me just wants to curl up with my cat and watch Disney movies.
    And I can tell that my faith has evolved considerably over the past year and a half. I've made it more of my own; I possess a set of authentic beliefs which may be a little different from those of my parents and the church I was raised in, but ones I know in my heart to be true. My relationship with God is being lived out to the best of my ability. I have bad days where I have poor self-image and compare myself to my peers and feel hopeless and lonely. But in the midst of this mysterious mess I know my heart belongs to the One who created it and calls me His beloved.

    I woke up this morning hurting, physically and emotionally, and I read these words in the wee, purple, post-dawn light and I felt just right amount of security and comfort. Sweet Bible verses and old hymns and the beauty of nature always remind me that I serve a sovereign Father and He is and always will be good.
    This is where I'm at, friends. Two weeks after I exited the teen years forever and I'm still such an awkward wallflower who says the right thing at the wrong time (or at too low of a volume for anyone to hear). I may look like I have some of my life together, but the reality is that being a grownup means making a lot of mistakes and acting like you're fine when you really just want to punch a wall and stuff your face full of Gushers. It's a balancing act that I am slowly getting the hang of.
    I'm really glad I had the opportunity to post tonight. My week has been hectic and I really needed to stop thinking about health assessment and blood pressures for forty-five minutes and simply reflect. My dear friend Rachel uses the word pause sometimes- whenever I hear that word I think of her. It's important to pause in the middle of this crazy rollercoaster called life, sit back, and acknowledge all God has blessed you with. Developing habits of positive thinking affect all areas of your life, including the relationships you forge with other humans.
    Time for me to unpause, and probably nap before Habitat. Mercy, we'll hear from you next week!
All my love,
--Laura :)