Our Thoughts Are Stars : I think I just published the longest blog post in the history of long blog posts. Also, this post was written at 2 very different times during the day... just incase you were confused about the constant mood shifts. Which you probably weren't. I'm just weird like that. And I wanted this title to live up to the length of the post.

I just like that picture. and it feels the same way that today feels. which is hard to describe; I'll let it speak for itself.

Gurls, I'm sort of stressed lately because of various different things. I have an endless cycle of thoughts that seems to be repeating itself and I'm stuck telling myself the same things over and over. I also feel like not only am I emotionally and mentally doing the same thing, but physically also. I'm so bored of my life and the things that are happening. I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm not sure if this is stemming from senioritis (yes, it has hit me. maybe I'll post about it next week?) and reading endless things about my all my friends new college experiences but I feel like I want to be the one at college. I know that I'm not ready for it, and it's definitely a good thing that I have at least a year left, but I feel like I need that experience of a new place or new people. I want to get out and see something.

Our lovely friend Charlotte wrote about this on her blog and this is a bit of what she had to say

I feel like I've been doing the same things with ALL the same people for so long that I really need to go somewhere, or do something, or meet someone, from a totally different walk of life.

And one of the reasons I decided to take a gap year is to do things I want to do. I was planning on saving up and visiting my sister in Japan for a couple months because the opportunity was there. But now they might not even be moving to Japan. And I don't have a job, despite the many places I've applied. Basically... I don't want to be feeling the way I am now, for the next 2 years. I can't handle it. I love my family to pieces but I just sometimes need to get away. I want to be involved with communities and people and yet at the same time, I wish I was living by myself with no one else to think about. Which sounds horribly rude but I'm getting so incredibly tired of people. And at the exact same time, I'm wanting to meet new people. BASICALLY I'M A BIG BALL OF NOT SURE-NESS AND STUPID NEEDLESS EMOTIONS AND I DON'T WANT ANY SYMPATHY AND YET ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WONDERFULLY SPECIAL AND I'LL FIGURE OUT LIFE SOON ENOUGH.

Oh all your posts were lovely by the way. Just incase you were wondering about them. I liked how all of them were a little longer and a little more insightful than usual (not saying that your usual posts were bad, I just think that it's a good accomplishment that, for once, all our posts impressed me thoroughly... yeah I'm just going to stop now before I offend you gurls and your posts some more.)

Oh and another thing, I made some music today :) After writing the above rant, I had the house to myself most of the afternoon so instead of doing school, I just banged on the piano. And I had my phone recording what I did and this sort of happened. (I was sort of going off of Rose's "give into your inner nerd") It was definitely a good thing to just give myself up to music for a couple hours and left me feeling much better. That's the funny thing about music, (it demands to be felt. hey that actually fits perfectly. TFiOS reference for everything) it always has an affect (effect? I still can't ever get it right) on me. And usually a good one. Like, right before I got on the piano, I was making myself lunch and listening to kpop and my favorite EXO song came on and I was dancing around and pretending I can sing Korean and that made me a whole lot happier.

But I'm now going to go through every single picture on this blog (I found that magical button) and choose all my favorites and make the end of this post happy and probably as long as Repunzles hair but I have NO RAGRETS