I've never been this okay.

And we're back!!

    Has it only been two weeks since Gracie's particularly fantastic pre-Valentine's day post? It feels like a thousand years have passed and so much has happened. What with the Olympics (figure skating is my new obsession) and the Foursomeaversary (agh I cannot even) the days felt like they slowed down. That's at least how I experienced it :)
    Also, something else happened, And I don't know how it did, but I kind of do, and I don't even know where to begin. Actually, I do- Grace and Mercy, I have decided -or at least, a large white envelope that came on Friday did- where I'm going next year.
    I regret to inform you that we won't be neighbors.
    And I won't be carpooling back and forth with Hannah over breaks.
    But, there is a good chance I'll be joining you guys for our annual Lyman's adventure next October.
    Because I am pretty much officially a member of the Sacred Heart University class of 2018.
   

Grace and Mercy, y'all can be happy for me now.

Whereas Rose is so freakin excited to get her own room, since I will be living on campus :D

    Anyway, that was where all this happening began. My reaction went kind of like this:

me and my mom after reading the letter from financial aid.

me alone in my room later (I started sobbing and listening to Taylor Swift like my younger teenage self and it felt goooood)

me for the past three days.

    So, what has been happening has been surreal...I don't even know. I just feel really happy and full like I never have. I love feeling like this, but it scares me, because I know I don't deserve to be this happy. I'm not nice enough or smart enough, but by the grace of God I got what I wanted, and I don't want to keep this to myself because it's too much for me to handle. I've never been this okay. Maybe it's spring fever, maybe it's maturity, or maybe it's me finally getting over myself- I'm at a loss for words. And when I look at what I have to be happy about, I realize that the path of my past was entirely paved by God. He worked everything out -all the pain and self-hate and anxiety, too- to bring me where I am today. Jesus is kind of ruining my life. I used to be so good at holding myself back and telling myself I was good at nothing, but now I'm full of His light and a different understanding of what it means to be happy. And it's nice and all, but I don't want this all to myself. I have to give this away to understand its worth. Thanks a lot, Jesus. I have to get off my butt and hug the world now, or something.
    It's not like I'm relieved because I know exactly where I'll be spending the next four years of my life. I'm relieved because God does. And I wish I could tell my past self that, that all the worrying and self-doubt were for nothing because God was always in control. Once you realize that, it doesn't start happening (it was happening all along). God doesn't need you to notice what He's doing. It's just that once you do, you can live your life to the fullest of your potential- at the feet of the brilliant Creator. Your life was never meant to be yours.
    I am not the best expert on this. I'm cynical and have a dirty mind and can be a bit of a killjoy. But, by the grace of God I am here, I am happy, and I cannot wait to live the next four years and beyond for His glory. I am broken open by His love, and that is all there is to it.
    I like posting again. I like being able to write down my thoughts, and have them understood by the people I like the most. I like anticipating what you all are going to write every week. Mercy, I cannot wait to read your post tomorrow, and you could probably bring up all our private jokes from the Foursomeaversary because I didn't...hang on...
SHANKOLIMPYCHERYLFROZENSPOONINGONICEBEJING2008THEPOSTERMEANGURLSCOOLRUNNINGSROUNDSTORIES
--Laura :)