Lamentations and parking.

Hello there, people of earth.

How I feel walking through the hallways of SHU in between classes.

    It's a rainy Wednesday. I would give anything to be sleeping right now, but instead I'm sitting on Eugene's bed (which smells like boy, EW) and eating some almonds (because I don't have time to eat red meat anymore and if you eat enough roasted almonds I swear to Jesus they taste like grilled chicken- with all the protein of steak too!). All I want to do is go home and take a hot shower and maybe cry a little and watch some Grey's. But I have a Habitat for Humanity meeting in an hour and a half so here I am, hanging out in the boy's dorm, avoiding NERF gun darts and watching Gene play silent video games.
    This is adulthood, friends, I swear.

    The thing is, I'm at that awkward part of life where I'm a legal adult but with only half of the responsibilities. I'm a full-time college student who lives with her parents, who co-sign her loans. I drive to school almost every day, but I possess neither a driver's license nor a car (props to Mama Backus for being my always patient co-pilot- side note: today I successfully backed into a parking space without killing any humans. Ten points to Ravenclaw on my behalf). I have a couple of babysitting jobs which pay for food when I'm on campus all day, but my parents don't charge me rent and I don't even pay my cell phone bill
    The moral of this somewhat boring, myopic tangent, is that twenty is weird. I crave so much independence and feel like I'm entitled to it because so many people my age are out on their own and fully responsible for their lives. I'm still in that awkward transitional phase, and half of me is so antsy and ready to move forward towards another season while the rest of me just wants to curl up with my cat and watch Disney movies.
    And I can tell that my faith has evolved considerably over the past year and a half. I've made it more of my own; I possess a set of authentic beliefs which may be a little different from those of my parents and the church I was raised in, but ones I know in my heart to be true. My relationship with God is being lived out to the best of my ability. I have bad days where I have poor self-image and compare myself to my peers and feel hopeless and lonely. But in the midst of this mysterious mess I know my heart belongs to the One who created it and calls me His beloved.

    I woke up this morning hurting, physically and emotionally, and I read these words in the wee, purple, post-dawn light and I felt just right amount of security and comfort. Sweet Bible verses and old hymns and the beauty of nature always remind me that I serve a sovereign Father and He is and always will be good.
    This is where I'm at, friends. Two weeks after I exited the teen years forever and I'm still such an awkward wallflower who says the right thing at the wrong time (or at too low of a volume for anyone to hear). I may look like I have some of my life together, but the reality is that being a grownup means making a lot of mistakes and acting like you're fine when you really just want to punch a wall and stuff your face full of Gushers. It's a balancing act that I am slowly getting the hang of.
    I'm really glad I had the opportunity to post tonight. My week has been hectic and I really needed to stop thinking about health assessment and blood pressures for forty-five minutes and simply reflect. My dear friend Rachel uses the word pause sometimes- whenever I hear that word I think of her. It's important to pause in the middle of this crazy rollercoaster called life, sit back, and acknowledge all God has blessed you with. Developing habits of positive thinking affect all areas of your life, including the relationships you forge with other humans.
    Time for me to unpause, and probably nap before Habitat. Mercy, we'll hear from you next week!
All my love,
--Laura :)

I still hate titles

Hey everyone,

I think I like this only posting once a month thing. It's kind of nice. Takes off the pressure and everything. I really miss the days when we wrote letters to each other every week and sent jam packed envelopes covered in scrawling, loopy written inside jokes all over, hopefully making the mail carriers wonder or laugh over us. And I miss when we had the time and energy to post every week on our very assigned days, and I especially miss when we could write fan-freaking-tastic round stories in November but since none of those things can happen right now (there is hope for the future), I'm happy with only posting once a month.
 So let's see. What have I been up to since last time I wrote, I hear you asking. Well, for starters, it's now 2016. In fact, January is almost over. Weird, but true. It's kind of awesome though because we've had only one real snow "storm" and we're almost into February which makes me believe in a winter as short as myself.

 But if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

Favorite song to listen to at this time of year. Obviously.

Which reminds me, I've been fighting January depression as best I can. All I do is work which is awesome because it keeps me busy and my mind preoccupied during the day, but it's when I get home and it's cold and I'm beyond tired and I lay down for a nap. Then I wake up and it's colder, and dark (most disorienting thing ever) and I have no motivation to move, and I lay in bed for hours, dreading going back to sleep because I know that I'll just have to wake up again to go back to work. It's a vicious cycle but I've been beating it (somewhat). 

One of my yearly New Years Resolutions is always "eat healthier" which I think everyone always says, but this year I didn't commit to that, and so, it's the only one I've been actually accomplishing. Life is weird like that. But I've been focusing on eating more nuts, seeds, vegetables, less red meat and I've been cutting out dairy altogether (almond milk ftw). So yeah, it's making me focus on something and giving me a sense of self worth, I guess. Sara and I are also considering going to the YMCA together, so Laura you should be proud that I might start working out.

Some of my other New Years resolutions were- 

read more. 

write more. 

draw more. 

play more piano and guitar. 

None of those things have happened yet, but that's okay. I knew they wouldn't but I desperately like making lists.  

Anyway. I feel like maybe I'm boring you. I'm boring myself. So goodnight from me and I can't wait to hear from y'all in February and you'll hear from me again in 4 weeks. 

<3 Grace

In which Rose roasts the presidential candidates, because she has nothing else better to do.

Okay so it's Tuesday.

I woke up early this morning at 7 and was craving poached eggs so bad that I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and ate breakfast, and finished school super early and had some time on my hands so I decided to start my post. I'm not a person to do things on time or like, at all, but sometimes I get in really productive moods and I like just like can't stop doing things. It almost never happens and usually it's rare to see me in a vertical position at any given, so when these moods come around I try to make the most of them.
Long story short, I decided to start this post now.
Okay, so I'm supposed to be updating you guys on my life, right? I don't really do anything with my life...The Wife got me obsessed with Hamliton and I have done virtually nothing but listen t the soundtrack for the last week. It combines my 3 of my favorite things: history, politics, and underlying gay subplots. It's trifecta of awesomeness some would say. I of course wouldn't say that because I have class. Or I like to think that I do anyway.
I've done a lost of ranting about politics lately. I can hear people getting bored with me, but it just keeps coming out, like word vomit. I can't help myself. Every time I hear the name Trump I go on a verbal rampage about how The Don isn't actually a human being. He's a golden raisin with hair. He is a ignorant, racist, sexiest, idiot who does not need to be the president of the most diverse country in the whole entire world. I don't hate a lot of people actually that's a lie, I hate a lot of people. But I don't hate anyone quite as much as I hate Donald Trump.

The resemblance is striking 

Don't even get me started on Hillary. I mean, I would love, love, love a female president. But I don't think Hillary is the lady for the job. She changes her views every time a election rolls around and, even though she's just about the only candidate with foreign policy experience, I  think she would be a disaster on the worlds stage what with the whole Benghazi thing. Not to mention she has actually referred to the republicans as her enemies and I don't really think America needs a president who is unable to compromise their political agenda for the good of getting shit done.
Which brings me to Ted Cruz. Do you remember that time, maybe one or two years ago when the government shut down? Yeah, that was because of Ted Cruz. He would not compromise. He literally spent 21 hours on the senate floor filibustering because he didn't like Obamacare. I don't know about you, but these are not the qualities I look for in a president. Also, can we talk about the name people like Ted Cruz give evangelical cristians tians? No where in the bible does it give us the right to be arrogant and hateful. But people like Ted Cruz make it look like it does, and I don't like that.
Of course then there's Bernie Sanders. Now I will give Bernie that he has an awful lot of good ideas, (well kind of). However he is a self described socialist and, as history has proved time and again, socialism is a good idea that doesn't really work. Also, Bernie's foreign policy would, more likely than not, be an absolute disaster as he very, very liberal. And he looks like a Muppet.

But at least he's not a douche canoe like all the other candidates. He's a feminist and he supports Black Lives Matter so that's cool. Also he's promising free college tuition and since I'm looking at being in debt for the rest of my life, I'm willing to over look just anything he says or does because I really don't want to bear the weight of soul crushing debt until I can find myself a sugar daddy, ya know? I also don't want to have to find myself a sugar daddy.
Basically, I don't like any of the idiots who are ahead in the poles. Marco Rubio is okay? I didn't expect it to come to this, as I hated Marco Rubio just 2 months ago because he is very immature and a little too conservative for me, but honestly he's not as bad as Ted or The Don. He at least seems to have half a brain. He has basic republican points of view which, aren't so bad. He doesn't seem like such an idiot all the time, entirely.
There's always Jeb! but then again, there isn't Jeb! because this country doesn't really need another Bush this millennium.
There's Chris Christie, but honestly I don't really know any of his views because in every debate I've watched he's just complained about Obama.
Ben Carson blew his chances of becoming president because he's too quiet and logical, and let's be honest America does not want quiet and logical.
Is there anyone else really running for president?
I mean, there's Martin O'Malley. I just know the name and that he's the other democrat. But that's the extent of my knowledge.
There's also John Kasich, the governor of Ohio. Personally, I really like him and agree with the majority of his ideals, however no one knows who he is. He is, in my own personal opinion because of my own personal set of beliefs, the best choice. He's a more liberal republican, who could blur party lines and unite congress and the senate to actually get shit done, but again, no one knows who he is.
This is what I've been thinking about lately. I shit you not. I have spent so many hours in the last month thinking about politics. And talking about politics.

Anyway, that's enough for today.

     ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Okay so it's Saturday and I have nothing else to add to this post.
I know the purpose of these post is to update you guys on my life, but honestly I'm scotch tape: I'm so dang clear of anything I've got to do.
Rice, we'll hear from you next week?
Gurl please -Rose

and peggy

good evening gurls, it's Friday!! 

pretty much me (in my mind) all week

So the break was definitely worth it and I'm going to try and be better at posting this time around. I promise.

But today all I'm going to talk about it Hamilton and you're all going to just have to put up with that. 

SO THIS SHOW HAMILTON it's absolutely brilliant I'm in love with it and Lin-Manuel Miranda and Anthony Ramos and the whole cast in general oh my god and literally I've been listening to the soundtrack nonstop (ask anyone in my family) and I'm working on memorizing every song bc I have no life and that's what i do. 

first off, there's a squad of 4 in it so you know what that means....

So basically in my opinion, Grace is Laurens (the first one on the right in the line of 3) because he's literally so precious and adorable and a sweet cinnamon roll who needs to be protected.

I'm Lafayette because he's my favorite (the last one, far left) 

Rosie is Hercules Mulligan (the black dude in the middle) because he's a boss a** b*tch

and Laura is Hamilton (far right) because... well idk, he's the last one left. Although I could also see myself as Hamilton cuz he's outspoken and stubborn and has no self control (AHEM MARIAH AHEM) 

Then there's also the Schuyler Sisters

In which Grace would be Eliza (blue) bc she's literally so precious and adorable and a sweet cinnamon roll who needs to be protected.

Laura would be Angelica (center, orange) bc she's witty and sarcastic and the eldest. 

and Rosie and I would be And Peggy bc everybody forgets about her and she never shows up to anything (well idk if she never shows up but she's barely in the show at all) 

also can we just talk about how Aham was like, bi??? like actually??? all his letters to Laurens were so romantic, and historians tried to hide the fact that A.HAM WAS BI AND HIM AND JOHN LAURENS HAD A SECRET RELATIONSHIP okay i'm sorry but I ship Lams with everything that is in me and I've never had a ship actually be cannon before so this is a whole new set of feelings for me. 

but anyway yes I'm pretty much obsessed with this show, it has consumed me and I want to see it so bad but tickets are like $300??? at the cheapest??? MMMMMMFLSKJJDSFJLKFGLKAL"KJ anyway 

i love/hate Aaron Burr. his voice is magical honey but i hate him for killing A.ham

remember when Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton had a rap battle?? me too. 

this picture is literally so perfect i cannot deal and LOOK AT LAURENS HE'S SO PRECIOUS I WANT TO HUG HIM

I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH MMFKAJSHJ (when Washington is actually the only white person in the whole show. i approve)

Anyway yes, Laura and Grace you need to become invested in this show too because it's absolutely beautiful.. 

UM that's all. I'm almost out of time so i have to go, but honestly I already have a method for posting that's (hopefully) gonna work really well so by my next post I will hopefully have something much longer and more interesting! 

i love you all a lot. 

Rosie, I'll hear from you next week??

xoxo,

Mercy 

New year. Same blog. Different logistics.

And we're back! May the happy-dancing commence.

I looked up "we're back" in Google images and this majestic GIF popped up so of course I couldn't not post it.

    I think the abrupt hiatus was necessary. We all needed a break. Christmas and New Years came thundering down upon us, and I for one was definitely wrapped up in a tizzy of shopping and decorating and knitting presents while binge-watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, not to mention the onslaught of finals and saying goodbye to college friends as we went our separate ways for holiday break.
    Today is Friday, January 8th, and I -Laura- am posting. I don't believe I have ever posted on Our Thoughts Are Stars on a Friday. But here I am.
    We have established some new rules on this here blog. Rules that seem a little less like rules- more relaxed and achievable, tailored to The Foursome's busy schedules. Starting out this year, 2016, we have some new regulations for the members of OTAS:
1) posting is being reduced to one per week by one member of The Foursome. This is my week, since I always seem to go first, Next week, Mercy can post on any day- no more assigned days, since everyone can't always find time to post before their deadline. We don't want to force anyone to pull lukewarm blog posts out of their butts at 11:59PM on their assigned day, as we have all unfortunately been in the habit of doing for these past few months.
    The concept of posting every week was way more doable in 2013, when we were all in high school, unemployed, and relatively antisocial. Fast forward almost three years, and the story is entirely different. I'm almost halfway done with nursing school. Grace is working and taking college classes. Mercy is juggling performing arts, work, and the increasingly intense workload which comes along with junior year. Rose is handling her last two years of high school while leading middle school youth group students and attempting to read every Kurt Vonnegut novel possessed by the universe. I think it's better that we cut down on posting, giving us more opportunities to set aside time to write creative, meaningful posts which are less rushed and more thought out. I personally feel as though my writing style has changed since the conception of OTAS, like I'm simply blogging to give you a brief update on my crazy life, or as if I'm writing to the vast expanse of the Interweb instead of my three best friends. I have made it my New Year's Resolution to gain back that old sparkle I used to write with, to try to inspire and challenge and change things for the sake of my people, regardless of who might see this post.
2) if you miss a post, you're a cottonheaded ninnymuggins. How hard is it to post once every four weeks? Unless one of us is a werewolf (and didn't tell the other three so we could all become Animagi, how rude) it seems near impossible not to blog once a month. Only under the most dire of circumstances will no punishment be inflicted.
    What punishment, you may ask? I have not thought that far in advance. I'm trying to live one day at a time here, friends. Please bear with me.
3)

    This is a rule for two reasons: one, because this GIF is perfect and I/we just really wanted to use it. And two, because Sundays are for church and resting. We need some structure, and it doesn't hurt to have one day a week without the stress of blogging hanging over our heads, a day to spend napping and watching football and drinking coffee in sweatpants.

Indeed, Richard Griffiths, indeed.

    In conclusion:
    This is my post for this week. Mercy, you're posting between Monday and Saturday of next week, and then Rose, and then Grace.
    On Sundays:

   And until Mercy posts next week:

    I'm sorry, but I found all of these high quality Uncle Vernon GIFs/memes and I went a little overboard because they are all fantastic.
   Bye for now!
--Laura :)

*insert Adele pun*

Hello all you lovely people who might be reading this,

Since the theme of this week has more or less been, here's what's happening in my life, I thought I'd throw up a ton of useful information for you gurls too.

I obviously have not been doing any official schooling these past couple months which has been equal parts amazing and horrible. I say this because, not having any school is obviously an amazing thing. On the days I don't work, I can sleep as much as I want, go out shopping, play with the dogs, sit on the couch and watch six episodes of Parks and Rec, or sell my soul to NaNoWriMo for an entire month. So clearly, there's nothing bad about that situation. The horrible part is that, in reality, I can't just waste an entire year doing nothing. If I'm not seriously considering school, then when next September rolls around, everyone will be going back and I wont due to the lack of colleges I've applied for or the lack of classes I've signed up for. And it's freaking stressful because not only did I spend all of last year stressing out about school, now I'm spending this year stressing out as well.
Another crap thing is the way people will look at me  when I tell them my plans. Everyone at work is always asking me where I go to school and when I tell them I'm taking a year off, everyone thinks it's an open invitation to state their opinion as harshly as they feel necessary.
Okay hold up, there have been a lot of people who respect what I'm doing, and have encouraged me and told me how a gap year was the greatest decision they ever made, but about 60% of people just start on a rant about how I'm the equivalent of a high school dropout. Thanks bye I don't care what you think because you're a stupid turd pile. And have a nice day.

 

So yeah, gap years are fun and stupid at the same time. Sort of like high school.

But, I started a Psych course online this past week which is hard because it's a lot of information but it's been really good and I'm fired up to learn again (the same way I always did during the first week of school in September). I've been looking into the Psych program at MCC and I'm definitely going to be applying there because college is number one on my New Years resolution list for 2016.

 

Moving on, I am now Empress of the Deli at work which results in more hours and having minions to do my bidding.

 

Let's see, what else?

The Boy is still a part of my life and that's great. As much as I make fun of him, he is sort of the greatest because he takes my teasing like a champ and teases me equally as much. He pushes me to be a better person while simultaneously acting like the real five year old that he is and it's an amazing feat that I'm not sure just anyone could accomplish. He keeps me laughing and pursuing my dreams and he's always there to talk to.

 

Anything else to add? Oh yeah, I had a dream this morning that Laura was texting me all about how we are all so distant from each other and we don't know anything about each other anymore. Which I guess is partially true. I have felt distant from you guys lately.

Like Rose said: "and we were the Fearsome Foursome, and like, we still are. You guys are my best friends and you always will be but it's just different now, you know?"

It is different. Not purposefully different, life just happens. We're all busy and doing different things and we don't have the opportunity to spend as much time with each other as we have in the past. And as maybe sad as it seems, it's okay because life progresses and we can't change that. Things are never going to stay the same as they were during those two weeks where the Fearsome Foursome first came into reality. As much as we draw on the aisle runner, and as many imaginary friends as we might create, things aren't going to be the same. But I do miss us and I can't wait to hangout for my mom's birthday and make some new jokes and spend quality time together and eat cake. (I'm always excited for cake though so that's nothing new)

 

Okay, well, this is getting long. I probably could keep going though. I really didn't have a ton to do this morning so writing forever to you guys seemed like a good idea. But I should probably do some laundry and go Christmas shopping for some special people. But I hope you are all doing splendidly. <3 Grace

 

Why did Adele cross the road? To say helllllllooooooooooooooo from the oooouuuttttttssssiiiddddddeeeeeee, That's a crap joke. Sorry.

Okay so it's Thursday.

That round story though. It was weird and trippy and like clearly not our best work. I think it's a perfect representation of how I feel these days. No one's ever home anymore and I can't seem to convince myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour and I've been reading a lot of Kurt Vonnegut and let me tell you, that's some weird shit and I've been watching an unreasonable amount of New Girl and it feels like I woke up this morning and I only have a couple semesters left of high school and before I know it everything I've ever known is going to be over and we have a new youth pastor and there's this house that we've past for years on the way to church and it used to be orange and now it's purple and I don't know I'm being really silly and stupid and unreasonable and self centered but it feels like my entire life has decided to change, but like did I say you could that? No sir, I did not. I don't know. I don't like change. I never have.
I've never been a person to live in the present.
I'm in a constant state of looking back. And I know that's a really bad habit. Take Lot's wife, for example, she looked back and got turned into a pillar of salt and that sucks.
I don't know. I just feel like I've grown up a lot in the last couple of months and that scares me because I didn't really want to do that it just kind of happened.
I feel like it was only yesterday that I was in the 7th grade and couldn't go 20 seconds without talking about Harry Potter and I was engaged to an imaginary morbidly obese man named Jaquan Fudge'icle (may he rest in pieces) and we were the Fearsome Foursome, and like, we still are. You guys are my best friends and you always will be but it's just different now, you know?
It's just crazy to me that a year from now I'll be applying to colleges.That is unless I get a really crappy SAT score. And don't say I'll do fine Laura. That's what people who got good SAT scores always say. And do you know what people who get crappy SAT scores say? "Would you like fries with that?"
Anyway, that's enough of my melodramatic nonsense.
Sorry I didn't post last week. I suck.
So that's what's up with me.
Holy crap, so i'm listening to Melanie Martinez and Troye Sivan right now and I literally cannot even. They're both actual perfection. Also, thank you Mercy for always introducing my to wonderful music and making my life just generally better.
I can't wait to see you guys at the end of the month! We can chill in are pajama's and watch Netflix. Like, Netflix and chill, but not Netflix and chill, you know what I'm saying?
That's a;; I've gt for you.
Sorry I'm a self centered bag of ketchup urine. I suck.