I'm sorry.

Good mythical Monday morning!

because Rhett and Link.

    Unlike last week, I am posting on Monday. And I am trying to get this published before 12 noon, not 12 midnight. So already, today is a good day :)
    Y'all's post from last week was not okay. I wanted to forego my studies and hop the shuttle to the Fairfield train station so I could join you. But I couldn't and I didn't, and I didn't even FaceTime you gurls on Saturday like I promised.
    I wanted to make this post an apology post. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I tend to feel guilty about everything, but yesterday after I had a very emotional conversation with Becca Monster, I have decided I need to get over myself, over my guilt about the things that have transpired in my life over this past week and long before.
    Rose, I'm sorry that I am now officially not coming home Columbus Day Weekend. I told Mom I had a lot to do here on campus, and that's true- I have work to do and I need to relax and sort out some baggage, none of which I would feel comfortable doing at home. I need to learn how to be myself apart from you guys- I love and would die for my family, but I can't keep looking to you guys for everything. I need to grow up and do my own thing, and every time I go home or see one of you it becomes harder and harder to do so. I don't think I'm being dramatic, I am merely exercising my God-given right to personal space.
    Grace, I'm sorry I couldn't FaceTime on Saturday. I could say I was studying for my nursing midterm, going on a Target adventure and unwisely spending money, having a dance party in my friend's suite until 5 in the morning- yes, all of those things happened, and they explain why I didn't contact you but they don't justify it. I've been a bad friend lately, and I actually have a lot to tell you guys, I've just been busy and stressed and confrontational, which has thrown me into a flurry of dark emotions that I've been ignoring for almost my entire life. And I need to deal with them, but I need to talk to you too, because

I do.

    And

    Mercy- I'm sorry I wasn't there this weekend. I miss you and your smart-ass sense of humor, which I pretend bugs me but I secretly love. I've made a lot of choir and theater friends here and every single one of them reminds me of you in some way- their over-the-top conversational skills, their quick, dry senses of humor, their inability to wear any pants other than leggings or pajama bottoms. I wanted to be at your cozy, overcrowded house, where we bum around in sweats and sleep on your rickety bunkbeds and dance around in the kitchen making delicious Pinterest recipes. I'm getting horribly nostalgic right now, flashing back to that ethereal spring break adventure we had in Windsor Locks- was that really almost two years ago? Was it that long ago that we watched all three High School Musical movies and screamed along to Taylor Swift (who I'm listening to right now; I'm having a weak emotional girl moment) and walked all around town talking about every boy we ever knew? Time flies when you're forced to grow up.

but really.

    I have a lot to be sorry for. But I have an all-forgiving God who doesn't care that I'm sad, apologetic, and horribly nostalgic. I am learning to forgive, gurls, and it's all I want.
    I don't really know what else to say. Only that-
    Rose, I'll see you tomorrow for Annie's birthday dinner,
    Grace, we should FaceTime this weekend,
    and Mercy, you should come visit me sometime soon.
    And don't forget to be awesome.
--Laura :)