Hey gurls,
I'm so much better than how I was when I wrote last weeks post. Thank the good Lord Almighty. All your posts made me so thankful for you guys because I seriously don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you three. Everything isn't 100% but I'd say that it's about 80% better. I was having an overly emotional week last week and I honestly have no idea. I had a few good reasons to maybe be a little grumpy but I don't know why I reacted so out of character and unusual to stuff. Maybe it's like that personality stuff I was talking about a couple weeks ago. I've started to react to things differently. I've started actually saying GIF (not JIF... that's a kind of peanut butter) instead of G-I-F. I'm not sure why or when, but it happened. People and personalities are weird.
ROSE- I started writing too. I mean, I've sorta always been writing something but I started writing something new that I love. It may or may not be about this kid who lives down our street. I know that sounds really creepy and stalkerish... because it is. But in a completely innocent way. He's just so intriguing. I had to write some fanfiction about him. Also, your gifs were quite refreshing from last week and I found my newest favorite one. So here you go.
Mercy and Laura, your posts gave me some perspective into the struggles of being a person who actually leaves the house for involuntary social obligations. (because seriously, I only leave the house when I really want to see people.) One of my other friends posted something very similar on Facebook about how hard it is to keep up the same persona while at work that she has at home and at church and now the thought of getting a job is completely more terrifying than it was.
(Now begins the part where Mercy and Rose groan because I'll probably end up sounding a lot like Laura always does.)
So next Wednesday, my beautiful mother is taking me to go take the permit test and hopefully I'll be able to pass and next time I post, I will be an officially permitted driver. Which is really scary. Because I'm about 10 times smaller than any car I would have an opportunity to drive. Also, I have a really hard time with critical thinking so the fact that every time I step into a car I suddenly have to spend the whole time making rational, smart, quick, decisions is truly terrifying.
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| this is what my driving adventures will turn out to be |
I'm also hoping to get a job before the new school year starts and that's also terrifying. I really hate social interaction with strangers and the fact that probably every job I could get is basically that the whole time, is really keeping me from actually going out and getting a job. Basically, all those posts that Laura wrote about how scary growing up is, I've come to a new appreciation for. Yeah, I always knew it wouldn't be easy. I just didn't realize that when it finally came down to it, I'd be a fearful little girl who isn't sure she wants to do this. I've been wanting to get in the front seat of a car since I was about 10. I remember talking to Mercy about it and she said she never wanted to learn how to drive because of all the accidents and I thought she was being a just a tad bit panicked and I couldn't really wrap my head around never wanting to learn how to drive. But now that my chance has come, I sorta understand. I have this feeling that not going to be able to do it. Like, I'm physically not going to be able to learn how to drive. And that's not where it ends. I have this fear of getting a job like I mentioned above, but I'm also scared of not being able to find a college to go to. What if I still don't know what I want to study at the end of my gap year. What if I end up staying at home forever because my mom needs me to be there for her? There are so many unknowns ahead of me and it's really nerve wracking. Life is just so uncertain all the time and sometimes I don't like to handle it.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
No one ever said it would be this hard
Coldplay understands me. And that really does sum things up pretty nicely. I always knew that growing up was going to be hard and scary... I just didn't realize that it would be this hard and scary. And I know that I have more coming for me and I'm not even 17 yet (less than a month!!) but it doesn't mean that it's so nice and easy.
But now that I've got that off my chest, Laura you said something in your post...
(and I quote) "This is just a thought, but I'm also glad that you're going into your senior year and everything is going to get awesome and stressful and you'll want to cry and laugh and have a blast before closing the curtain on your high school career." (end quote)
And I've been thinking about this for awhile (like since the seniors graduating youth group night) and I'm really sad that it's senior year already. People always say that high school is terrible and in ways it is. Kids can be terrible and things are always changing and you're not always sure about things and school just keeps getting harder. But I've been gifted with very pleasant high school years. They've been so much fun (and also stressful) and I'm really sad that I only have one more year left. I feel like in the past year, I've gown so much closer to some ridiculously cool people and it's sad that I only have one year left with them. And some of them are already gone. Some of them just graduated which is sad and it means that this really is my final year. But it's going to be great. And year it's going to be sad but it's going to be just as awesome.
So I guess the point of this rambley long thing would be, growing up sucks in many ways. It's frighting and nerve wracking and I hate it. And at the same time, there are so many good things and so many fun people and fun times just waiting to happen and be there. And I guess, in the end, the good times will always out weigh anything bad.
Remind you of a certain Doctor Who quote?
I'll leave you with that.
Until next time
<3
Grace
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